There’s this thing we do when life gets out of control and becomes overwhelming. It’s called rage in my world. And it has ruined friendships and other relationships in my childhood and in my adult life. Very recently, in fact.
Did you know that anger is a secondary emotion to hurt, fear, or frustration?
And that not all anger is bad? There is constructive and destructive anger. When we rage, obviously it’s destructive, emotionally, physically, and mentally. When anger over injustice moves us to act in a way that benefits others, it’s great!
The bottom line is there is something deeper that affects the way we respond to others. Anger is the result of someone hurting us, or our fear of being rejected, or frustration over our needs not being met. I buy that, because most of us bury that stuff. We don’t want to dig deep and confront those questions. It’s painful. It does fester over time, though. We think if we bury it deep enough it eventually dies. It only grows and gains more strength.
Rick Warren says, “When you lose your temper, you always lose, whether it’s respect, the love of your family, your health, or even your job.”
I have lost some of those things because of rage. It pains me to be able to say that. And it makes me realize how important it is to get to the bottom of it. If you, too, have losses to count in your own life, consider the possibilities.
By the way, if you are truly unable to take a few deep breaths and calmly respond rather than explosively react, you could have a hormonal imbalance like I do. Too much testosterone will definitely affect your self-control meter. Especially when there is alcohol involved! That is no longer part of my equation, but alcohol definitely fanned my flame in the past.
An interesting fact I discovered about eight years ago is that I have way more testosterone than women typically do. I wonder if that’s the case with all tomboys? Healthline.com says, “Testosterone is a powerful hormone in men and women…that not only controls sex drive…and promotes muscle mass…but can influence human behavior, such as aggression and competitiveness.” Hmm.
So, if you are a person who has anger issues, seriously consider checking your hormone levels. You may be surprised what you find. Still seek the emotional cause of this emotion, but realize that the possible sources of that rage can be physiologic, too.
“But you’re a Christian!” you say. “You’re not supposed to rage! You have peace that surpasses all understanding…”
Yup, I do. When it comes to the big stuff. We are all still learning. And every day, I’m still a #human. When someone lies to me, cheats me, or treats me with disrespect, I cannot always find that peace before the damage is done. Then what? We feel even worse, don’t we? I sure do. Always. Here’s the thing, though; my old self wouldn’t have cared. This new self is immediately remorseful because it dishonors Jesus. When I behave badly it gives non-believers that age old excuse to keep not believing because of “how hypocritical religious people are.” Right? I’m supposed to set a good example.
I thought about writing this post when I was angry and my adrenalin was pumping, just to blow off some steam. But how can I talk about Jesus and peace and love when I want to rip somebody’s face off?
Besides, I really didn’t want you to know that I rage. It’s embarrassing! But I’m confessing to God and you, because you must know that it is the biggest struggle I have with me. And I know I’m not alone in this. Lots of us rage and either feel really guilty about it, or just think it’s no big deal because we cannot accept that we are wrong. Neither of those is the right response. Guilt is a useless waste of energy. It’s the evil one breathing in your ear. And denial is a sign of immaturity.
The saddest part of all isn’t even how it affects my life and those around me today, here and now, but how it affected the children I have had the privilege of co-parenting. I modeled how to rage, rather than how to be patient, kind, gentle, and practice self-control. I taught them all the wrong stuff 
The only solution to my own anger is God’s Word and His Spirit within me. When I can push me out of the way and allow the peace of that Spirit to take the reins, it changes everything. Now that I know how, if I could just do it all the time, before I open my mouth. To help myself I have committed a few verses to memory.
‘A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. ‘ Proverbs 15:1
‘Fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back. ‘ Proverbs 29:11
‘An angry person starts fights; a hot-tempered person commits all kinds of sin. ‘ Proverbs 29:22
It took me so long to embrace my faith and want to become more of Him and less of me. We are such prideful creatures. I hope you will think about your own experiences with anger and what could possibly be at its roots. Maybe you can avoid the mess next time.
I pray every morning for the wisdom to handle everything that comes my way with grace and humility, for my words and actions to reflect the light of Jesus. I don’t always succeed, simply because injustice in general brings out that indignant rage in me. So, the state of the world today has me, and many of us, on edge. The embers are always aglow and the flames can ignite so very quickly. We struggle to keep our minds on good things, but it’s what we must do as much as possible.
Watching the news reporting on bombings of civilians, a man kicking and beating his dog, someone who has been arrested twenty-one times for the same abusive crime, no, no, no. Can’t do it. There goes my heart right now, just typing these words. I had to shut the news off last night and retreat to one of my prayer spots. My heart just breaks for all of it.
God speaks to us when we bother to seek Him in those times, when we ask for His Holy Spirit to take the reins from our hands and the turmoil from our hearts. I asked him to remove my rage, watch over His children all over the globe, and give me His peace, and He did! In a very tangible way! When I rose from my knees my smartphone was jostled and “coincidentally” opened to one of my cherished passages that has risen to meet me quite often in these past six months.
And it gave me peace, immediately, like it always does. Because as much as we want to believe that the world is out of control, God is in control. And He is faithful. You know how, as parents, we give our kids just enough rope? Think of God in that light. He’s not the One causing the problems here. It’s us. But He will make all these horrible things that we evil humans do work for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28-29). You cannot cherry pick this verse, or any other for that matter. You must be a child of God for His Word to ring true in your own life.
How do you become a Child of God?
You invite Him in. And then get to know Him. You can’t invite Him in and stick Him in a corner and only talk to Him once a week.
Would you do that with any other guest in your home? Or that new love in your life? When you fall in love and start a new relationship, don’t you want to know everything about that person? Don’t you want to spend every moment possible with that person?
God is no different. And boy does it make Him smile when you WANT to know Him. Nothing pleases Him more.
When you want to begin this new relationship with the God that created you and loves you, my best suggestion is to start reading and listening to the Bible with a good teacher. I use the Daily Audio Bible and a good study Bible. Having the Bible read and taught to me by a knowledgeable scholar and amazing narrator is the best. And you will get to know God that way. If you have twenty minutes every day you will be taken through the entire Bible in one year. And you will want to do it again, and again.
God Loves Bad Girls, Too! 