I’ve always known that God created me with a merciful, empathetic heart – to a fault – and a driving desire to help people learn anything I am passionate about. These days, number one on that list would be Jesus.
As a third grader my desire was to be a writer and a teacher. I thrived on writing short stories and helping other kids understand things when the teacher couldn’t. Those things gave me such joy!
Alas, I was lured from that desire by my late teens. It was a turbulent world in the seventies, like now. My crazy heart and the evil one were in cahoots and made me so restless I flew the coop after a short,unsavory stint with Kodak and a semester of college at SUNY Brockport. Yep. Dad didn’t want me to join the Navy, so I took off to sell magazines door-to-door all over the USA for two years. What a learning experience that was! Survival training at its best. As you might imagine by now, the rest of my twenties is a salty history.
My family was quite colorful. A Catholic family that owned taverns in and around Rochester, NY. We only knew God on Sundays, and only until I was confirmed at age twelve. That’s when I copped an attitude and told the Catholic Church goodbye – because my mother wasn’t welcome there as a divorced and remarried woman.
Shocker. For me, anyway. First, I didn’t know Mom was married before Dad. Second, it dawned on me why I never felt like God was my friend. Only it wasn’t God that was the culprit. It was the church.
How dare they?!? Ugh! My mother had a heart big as the moon! Jesus forgave the prostitutes but my mother was rejected because she divorced an abusive husband?! I was enraged by the injustice. A very bad, ego-driven habit of mine. Ingrained since my youth. Not surprising when I look back.
I was so infuriated when I learned the truth. The words that came out of my mouth that my poor dad should have never had to hear from his precious little girl. They had fooled me for years into thinking Mom didn’t come to church because she had to stay home and make the sauce. But I made them tell me the truth that day, and I didn’t like it one bit. Betrayal, hypocrisy, and NOT what Jesus would do.
Sometimes I think God hates religiosity more than some people do. It makes Him look bad.
My father no longer knew how to relate to me at all by then. Stuffed animals and ice cream cones didn’t cut it anymore in 1968. This pubescent daughter, raised around a bunch of Italian bad boys with bad mouths and bad habits, was a full blown product of women’s lib, about as feisty as they came. Me and my oversized ego.
Sidenote: It took me a long time, all these years, to figure that part out; the pride problem that most of us have and nobody wants to admit.
Needless to say, I led a reckless life sprinkled with tug o’ wars and wrestling bouts between Jesus and me every now and then. Because I did meet Him and accept Him as my Savior at sixteen. And because He did save my life that year, through a JesusFreak teacher. But then I snubbed him for a boy and off I went. Doin’ it my way.
Throughout my tumultuous twenties there were times I would start to turn back to Jesus. Somehow, though, I would allow the evil one to distract me. A new job would pop up in a different sunny resort. Change of scenery and new men to conquer was always a good reason to go. Always craving another fresh start, sparked by just about anything. Like a feather in the wind, I was. Searching. Scoping. Desperation masked as so much “fun.”
‘Thing is, the void was still there once the newness wore off. You always end up with you, no matter where you go.
Before I was so rudely awakened in a freak accident in 2009, to find Jesus still patiently waiting for me – since high school – I experienced fifty-three years of secular living at its worst. Not a proud fact, but a fact, indeed.
And God uses every bit of my mess and my pain. All so people will know He can fix anybody! He will use anyone that allows Him to shine, in order for people to find Him.
Along with the crazy in my life came lots of tragedy, too. I am no stranger to loss of every kind when it comes to my family. I am the last man standing. It’s so strange. At this writing, as I empty out this last family home that was my eldest sister’s, I can’t look at old photos of my relatives and ask anyone who this one and that one is. Pat, my party-buddy, died in 2017, at 72. Joanne, my sister-mother, died ten months ago, at 81.
In our class we find that we Christ-followers reflect God’s divine image in four different and interchangeable ways. Artisan, Architect, Shepherd, and Steward are those four reflections. We all are all to some extent. Because I’ve learned that I reflect God’s image as a shepherd and an artisan, merciful, compassionate, and one who interprets and clarifies, I now understand why it excites me so to see the light bulb go on when I identify with people of all ages and backgrounds. It doesn’t matter what their sins or regrets are, or where they lived. I don’t like this over-used phrase but here, it works!
“Been there, done that!”
It’s not to boast, or to glorify the crazy, but to establish common ground. People love to know they aren’t the worse sinner in the room! Their eyebrows go up and their walls come down. Then they’re brave enough to share their own mess.
Then, when you share your transformation with them, your ‘after-Jesus’ story, they can see themselves redeemed, too, because, guess what? None of us Christ-followers are perfect either! Who knew?!
I’m sure not the best example of the pristine Christian. I have rough edges. But I am admittedly passionate about sharing my broken-ness and the love of Jesus.
Going on my sixth year of retirement now I can tell you what I miss most about my life’s work. My years of sales, bartending, all kinds of odd jobs, and twenty-six years as a hygienist, were a way for me to always be loving on new people, all the time. Such a gift. And in hindsight, training for God’s purpose. And for my job in heaven:)
I so miss interacting with my patients! I miss teaching them new things and sharing information I am passionate for people to know. Especially about Jesus! Let’s face it. I had their undivided attention. What could they do but listen, lol. All kidding aside, though, I have such sweet memories of the countless conversations with so many. And some are my dear friends to this day.
Some even accepted the invitations to church. Some were baptized, too! God used me!! What could be more exciting?! ‘Gives me goosebumps just telling you. Because my health teacher shared Jesus, and thirty-six years later my patient shared Jesus, I was able to share Jesus. See how God works?
‘Wanna know the best part, though? Both my sisters were baptized, too! 🙂 Joanne, my devout Catholic sister, insisted I baptize her in the pool after I explained the difference between an infant christening and baptism by immersion, like what Jesus did. Pat came to my church with me and did it there. God is such a good Father. He prepared their rooms in the mansion.
I would still be doing hygiene if I was physically capable. It was such a great vehicle to share the gospel. Sadly, my hands failed me and the limitations made it impossible to continue in my profession. The disability people didn’t agree, but that’s another story we won’t ponder.
I’m that person that thinks if you’re not paying attention to what God wants, something will happen that will force you to. I like to call it a jackhammer moment. There’s a story behind mine.
One sultry July morning in 2009, almost a year since my patient prayed for me and invited me to the local church, I was in the back yard getting ready for the tree guy to come trim. My bike trailer was upright against the fence and I needed to move it. So I did. Pulled it right down. On top of me. All 700 pounds.
Important to note; one should never store a trailer upright. It’s not safe. Pat had our neighbor do it so she could put down fresh soil for a veggie garden several weeks before.
You might guess I crumpled under that custom made trailer, with its spare tire on the tongue. The tree guy was backing in and saw it happen. Poor guy. About had a heart attack. Probably thought he was going to pick up that trailer and see me crushed and bloody, maybe even dead.
But no, instead of falling back and the trailer crushing my chest, I folded in half when it hit my head. ‘Went down spread-eagled, face in the dirt . Can you picture it? Soft, fresh, garden soil – up my nose, in my mouth, broken ribs, barely able to suck air. And me, the what if’s spinning and then praying,
“Okay God. I hear you. And I can’t do this alone anymore. Please get me through this without crippling me and I promise I’ll go to that church that lady invited me to.”
He had me back to work three weeks later, after having a kyphoplasty on the one crushed vertebrae. It is now the densest bone in my body, besides my thick skull. The first service I attended was that same week.
And that lady? The one that prayed for me after I cleaned her teeth? The one that invited me to church and wrote me a letter when I was out of work on an injury? She’s my best friend to this day. I call her my big Christian sistah. She’s another short, feisty, Jesus-loving Italian. Raised Catholic. From the Bronx. And she has to be the best friend anybody could ever have because she tells it like it is. Not what you want to hear, but always what you need to hear. No filter. No apologies. Just Janet. She clued me in on my oversized ego a long time ago. I just didn’t catch it until recently.
God has been prepping me several years for this last chapter of my life, where I am finally and completely surrendered to His plans for me. I am learning new lessons, still. The biggest ones of my life if I’m honest.
Never. Stop. Learning.
The preparation is painful. ‘Been in it a while now, because the bigger your ego, the longer it takes to chisel it down enough for you to see over it. Amazes me how I didn’t see it all my life. I shake my head and ask Jesus every day, “How do you put up with me?”
The growth is so rich and meaty. Lots of chewing. Sometimes regurgitating and re-chewing, too. Because perspectives change when God’s Spirit illuminates, your church family cultivates, and those dormant seeds germinate. Growth begins anew. It’s all so deep and convoluted, and convicting!
I am just seeing the forest now…Every day a new epiphany, it seems. God is so cool that way. The more we seek the more we truly find. But geesh. Why couldn’t this happen sooner? If you’re not old yet please listen up! Stop just wanting to be right. Swallow your pride. Admit your shortcomings and strive to do better; don’t condemn yourself.
A favorite mentor said to me, “God reveals to heal, not to condemn.”
Without the people God has placed in my path to help reveal where I need to heal, to water and weed and nurture the seed, I don’t know how else I would grow. I am grateful and humbled by the authenticity of the men and women in our church family. If everyone had this kind of love and support, the world would be like heaven. I pray this for you, whoever you are, whatever you believe.
My shepherd’s heart would love to provide this knowledge for others; to help people discover that same thing that I’ve learned in these recent years of what felt like unfair and insurmountable trials, and more importantly, in this very class I just finished.
I desire to accomplish this passionate goal using my stories, my life experience, gifts, and talents wherever I am planted, wherever I roam, and however God prompts me. I am adaptable, love a good challenge, and spontaneity. I hope to spend the last years of this life writing or mentoring face to face, meeting people where they are, and practicing a new skill of holding space for people to feel heard, their emotions validated.
Most of all, I aspire to help people like me, from my generation of crazies that did so much so wrong for so long. They need to understand they are loved by our sovereign God who wants them to know Him, personally, where they are at…
That’s my niche.
How I accomplish these things depends on my ability to push myself out of the way, and respond to whatever God puts before me one day at a time. And that reminds me of the mind-blowing fact that hit me like a brick during the DYDD class:
“When we walk in His ways we are already walking in his will.” says John Willoughby, author of DISCOVER YOUR DEVINE DESIGN
You can’t possibly understand how the floodlight burst so bright in my head when I read that at the bottom of page 107. We make it so complicated and it’s really not. It’s not about one specific thing. There are so many ways to use the gifts, talents, skills, and passions that God gives us. In everything we do. Whether it’s work or play, just reflect His light.
We always think when we go through a storm that it was the worst one ever, until the next one comes and it becomes the worst one ever, and so on. People that come to faith don’t suffer fewer storms, but we really feel His presence and become more able to cope because all things are possible with God. He is always there, waiting for us. All we need to do is ask Him to lead us and He will. Even when we fight with Him.
The worst storms have a calm eye in the center. He is the calm Eye.
If you love God, but your spiritual life feels stagnant, you need a refresher! A wake up call! It’s time to be a do-er of the word, not just a Christian. There are many who profess to believe, but few who truly follow and do. He commands us to go and make disciples of all nations. You can’t do that from your armchair.
Find out what makes you tick, what drives your compassion, and how God designed you to take part in building the Kingdom. Find your niche with a little guidance and some guardrails. I highly suggest the book and workbook for DISCOVER YOUR DIVINE DESIGN, by John Willoughby. And if you can take the class, or want to bring it to your church, that works too! The unique and systematic nature of discovery in this class is incomparable to any other study I’ve done in this vein. Link to the website is below.
Email me if you need help.
Amazon links for the book and workbook. Also one for website 👇
https://www.discoverdivine.design/
Happy Discovering!
Blessings and Peace in Christ.
For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him. ‘
Philippians 2:13
https://www.bible.com/bible/116/PHP.2.13.NLT
“The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.”
https://bible.com/bible/111/num.6.24-26.NIV
God Loves Bad Girls, Too! 